hello jessie
#0 You know that show “My Three Sons”? That’d be funny if it was called “My One Dad”. - Mitch Hedberg
#1
A man walked into a bar. OUCH!
#2 Dorian Gray jokes never get old
#3 I just lost my mood ring...not sure how I feel about this.
#4 I'd be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic
#5 A missing letter can make a word of difference.
#6 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
#7 I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
#8 People are making end of world jokes like there's no tomorrow.
#9 I’ve decided to sell my Hoover - it was just collecting dust.
#10 I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
#11 I had an argument with one of the Seven Dwarves. He wasn’t happy.
#12 I was walking down the street about 700m above sea level. It was a high street.
#13 The other day this gender neutral person threw a baby goat at me. I said "Are you kidding me!"
#14 Promising thread. Keep them cumming!
#15 Le professeur demande à petit Joe de faire une Joke avec Carotte "Ma soeur a mangé des concombres hier` hein? ...depuis ce temp là qua rotte..
#16 You grow on people....so does cancer.
#17 What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you since last year!
#18 My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore. (Milton Jones)
#19 If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious. (Milton Jones)
#20 My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off. (Milton Jones)
#21 Knock, Knock? ... I forget the rest of it..
#22 Beijing's weather is perfect.
#23 I have a new theory on inertia but it does not seem to be gaining momentum.
#24 Advil has a candy coating. It’s delicious. And it says right on the bottle “Do not have more than two.” Well then do not put a candy coating around it - Mitch Hedberg
#25 I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I said “Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question.” - Mitch Hedberg
#26 Its 2 steak hacher boulettes playing cachette, one ask the other "ous t cacher" ou steak hacher.
#27 Want to learn a word I just made up? Plagiarism
#26 I am not good writing jokes...
#27 I am really not good writing jokes in english...
---------------------------
Demetri Martin Quotes
#1 The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
#2 I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
#3 I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40 000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ’go outside.’
#4 Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
#5 The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
---------------------------
Wow, this is the Philip's First Joke.
Will you be laughing? I laugh
---------------------------
Q: Did you hear that J.K. Rowling is writing a sequel to Harry Potter for Halloween?
A: It's called Harry Potter's Auror Stories.