A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.

The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.

..

.the other is used to carry groceries.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"

"Yeah," says the other cowboy."Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."

"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half-hour ago."

The young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandary.

.. He felt different yet.

.. couldn't figure why.

.. he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers.

.. He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name.

..

The chief answered in his typically poetic way.

.."When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest.

.. and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth."Then, the boy said to the Chief.

.. And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky.

..

The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name.

.. And the chief, looking down once more at the boy, explaining the traditions of their tribe.

..

. White Bear's mother had seen a rare white bear crouched over a stream at the moment her baby's birth. Then he asked the boy.

.."Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's".

..

.

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

- He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion, this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma."Elation," said she."And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."

He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't you wait up for me."

A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."




जिस तरह अच्छी हवा, अच्छा खानपान किसी भी इंसान के सेहतमंद रहने के लिए जरूरी होता है, उसी प्रकार आपकी हंसी भी आपको स्वस्थ रखने में अहम भूमिका निभाती है। अगर आप सुबह-शाम हंसने की आदत डाल लें तो कोई भी बीमारी, चाहे मानसिक हो या शारीरिक आपके पास भी नहीं आएगी। इसीलिए हम आपके लिए कुछ ऐसे मजेदार चुटकुले लेकर आए हैं, जिन्हें पढ़ने के बाद आप हंसते-हंसते लोटपोट हो जाएंगे। तो चलिए शुरू करते हैं हंसने-हंसाने का ये सिलसिला...
-----------------------------------
बहुत बड़े बोर्ड पर सुंदर लड़की का मिक्सर के साथ फोटो था और लिखा था- 'एक्सचेंज ऑफर'
पति बहुत देर से वो बोर्ड गौर से देख रहा था।
यह देखकर पत्नी बड़े ही 'नम्रतापूर्वक' बोली-
'घर चलिए। ऑफर सिर्फ मिक्सर पर है।'



टीचर ने पप्पू से कहा - मैं दो वाक्य दूंगा और तुझे उसमें अंतर बताना है।
पहला वाक्य - उसने बर्तन धोए।
दूसरा वाक्य - उसे बर्तन धोने पड़े।
पप्पू - पहले वाक्य में कर्ता शादीशुदा नहीं है और दूसरे वाक्य में कर्ता मैरिड (शादीशुदा) है।
पप्पू गुस्से से लाल पीला होता हुआ होटल वाले पर चिल्लाया-
मेरा ऑर्डर क्यों नहीं आया अभी तक उल्लू के पट्ठे?
वेटर - सर, पहले आप नम्रता से बात कीजिए...
पप्पू - कहां है बुलाओ उसे...



एक प्रश्न : पत्नी क्या है ?
उत्तर : पत्नी उस शक्ति का नाम है जिसके घूरने भर से देखने पर टिंडे की सब्ज़ी में पनीर का स्वाद आने लगता है...
---------
टीचर :- न्यूटन का नियम बताओ..
लड़का:- सर पूरी लाइन तो याद नहीं,, लास्ट का याद है.
टीचर :- चलो लास्ट का ही सुनाओ
लड़का : …और इसे ही न्यूटन का नियम कहते हैं..



पत्नी – मै मायके तभी जाउंगी , जब आप मुझे छोड़ने आओगे
पति – मंजूर है पर वादा करो कि घर भी तुम तभी आओगी, जब मैं तुम्हे लेने आऊंगा
-------
सर ने क्लास में पूछा : एक महान वैज्ञानिक का नाम बताओ?
लड़का: आलिया भट्ट !
सर: छड़ी हाथ में लेकर…..यही सीखे हो?
दूसरा: ये तोतला है सर, आर्यभट्ट बोल रहा है…



पत्नी : प्लीज मेरी तरफ मुह करके सो जाओ…. मुझे डर लग रहा हे…..
पति : अच्छा!! बस अपनी ही चिंन्ता है… मैं भले ही डर डर के मर जाऊं




Pardesi Pardesi Lyrics - Raja Hindustani
Pardesi Pardesi Jana Nahi | Funny song || Best funny song


Har phal meri yaad
tumhe tadpayegi
Main jaagoonga
neend tumhe na aayegi

Har phal meri yaad
tumhe tadpayegi
Main jaagoonga
neend tumhe na aayegi

Chhod ke aise haal mein jo
tum jaaoooge
Sach kehta hoon jaan
bahut pachhtaaoge

Pardesi mere yaara..
mujhe na rulaana
Tum yaad rakhna
kahin bhool na jaana

Pardesi pardesi jaana nahin
Mujhe chhod ke haye mujhe chhod ke

Pardesi pardesi jaana nahin
Mujhe chhod ke haye mujhe chhod ke

Maine tum ko chaaha
tumse pyaar kiya
Sub kuch tum pe yaar
apna vaar diya

Maine tum ko chaaha
tumse pyaar kiya
Sub kuch tum pe yaar
apna vaar diya

Ban gaya jogi maine preet da jog liya
Na socha na samjha dil
ka rog liya

Pardesi mere yaara..
laut ke aana
Tum yaad rakhna
kahin bhool na jaana

Pardesi pardesi jaana nahin
Mujhe chhod ke haye mujhe chhod ke

Pardesi pardesi jaana nahin
Mujhe chhod ke haye mujhe chhod ke





Kids Play That Goes Wrong



Samsad Baithak Hangama at Nepal | congress VS communist parliaments KP S...



Samsad Baithak

प्रधानमन्त्रीको आक्रोश

प्रतिपक्षीको हंगामाले संसद बन्यो रणमैदान

PM KP Oli

Samsad Hangama

congress VS communist parliaments

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A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach. The marriage counselor, trying to be creat...