Only a Nigerian mother would wake you up at 2am

1. Only a Nigerian mother would wake you up at 2am in the morning to beat you up for an offence you committed at 2pm the previous day.... That's what we call*
# CarryOverBeating !!!
2. If she says "I don't want your girlfriend to come and beat me"
My brother congratulations,
You have made it to Semi Final
3. American girls status "I miss you David"
Naija girls status "I miss u if u knw u knw."
Killing 5 guys wit one stone
4. Jss 1 - I want to be a doctor
SS 1 - I want to be a lawyer
10 years later - contact me for your iTunes gift card for Instant cash out
5. Social media is where you can log in and abuse someone for being poor, then log out and eat your garri without sugar peacefully......
Just as I have done
6. Only gals who likes applying makeups use yellow handkerchiefs
No gal shld argue with me
7. I have been single for long..sometimes I put Teddie bears on the bed and sleep on the floor.. trying to pretend that bae is mad at me??
8. When a house boy marries a house girl they give birth to a housefly. Wisdom will kill me
9. You invite a girl to ur house and u want to touch her she starts behaving strange. My brother just tell her there're some behaviors that reduce transport money and see how she will remain quiet.
10. Witchcraft is when u know that u won't marry her, and still dated her for 8yrs! Bros even if u
make heaven u won't see God
11. The Devil tempts men most when they have money.
Women are tempted most when they don't have money.
For us to keep the devil away, when you get some money give everything to your woman to keep so that while you walk without money, she walks with money and the devil is kept away.....!!!!!
12. A guy takes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu.*
*The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?”*
*The girl replies: “No, my mom doesn’t plan to fuck me after the meal*MN.
13. Guys with big lips eh!
Dey will peck u and the thing will sound like Facebook like.
14. Every girl has a price .....for some it's diamond ring, some is fried rice, some is sobolo, some is indomie, some is beans & for others just a bottle of Hausa koko .
whatever your price is, it all depends on how you carry yourself.
Some girls can relate
15. Even those dat use to drop 10naira offering will be claiming dat the pastor is using their money to buy private jet.....Taah sharrap there
16. The only difference between SARS and SARZ is that SARZ creates beats for Wizkid and SARS beats anybody that dresses like Wizkid
# Thatfunnyafrica
17. Am looking for the nurse that circumcised my dick .... she deserve an Award .... you need to see the carving*,
18. If you are among those men that call their wives 'Mama Ada' but call their pastor's wives" Mummy ".. Forget it! You wont make heaven..
19. If you see the way your girlfrnd is busy telin anoda guy she doesn't hv a boyfrnd, you will know it's only God who loves u
20. As a brother, nobody respects you more than the boy in love with ur sister*
Even if he's older than u, this innocent fool calls u senior man*
21. To everyone reading this joke and not comment before tomorrow morning may your screen phone scattered # Patapata...

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