Funny Jokes about Women

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing? 
A: A knife has a point 

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman? 
A: A battery has a positive side 

Q: How do you blind a woman? 
A: You put a windshield in front of her 

Q: What do you call a woman who can't make sandwiches? 
A: Single 

Q: What do you call a letter from a feminist? 
A: Hate male 

My girlfriend told me to see things from a woman's point of view, so I looked out the kitchen window. 

Q: What type of food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? 
A: Wedding cake 

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant? 
A: Marry her 

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a woman with PMS? 
A: Lipstick 

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a brick? 
A: When you lay a brick, it doesn't follow you around for two weeks 

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch? 
A: You don't, there's a clock on the oven 

Q: How do you know that beer contains female hormones? 
A: If you drink two or three, you can't drive properly anymore and start talking nonsense

Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? 
A: Put a nipple on it 

Q: Why do women have such small feet? 
A: So they can stand closer to the oven 

Q: What takes up 12 parking spaces? 
A: 6 Women drivers 

Q: Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? 
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet 

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? 
A: Because they don't have balls 

Q: How is a woman like a condom? 
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick 

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? 
A: A $100 bill 

Q: Why did God make women? 
A: You think he's gonna wash the dishes? 

Q: What is a wife? 
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done. 

Q: Why do women love reaching climax in bed? 
A: Because it gives them another reason to moan! 

Q: What do you call a woman with no clitoris? 
A: It doesn't matter, she's not going to come 

Q: How is a woman like an airplane? 
A: Both have cockpits

Q: What do you call a woman who will gives head for a pair of Jimmy Choos? 
A: Head Over Heels 

Q: How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? 
A: She fits into your wife's clothes 

Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? 
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time! 

Q: Why did God give men penises? 
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up 

Q: Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? 
A: Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking 

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad. 

Q: Why is life like a penis? 
A: Women make it hard! 

Q: What do you call a girl with PMS and ESP? 
A: A bitch who thinks she knows everything 

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator? 
A: A refrigerator doesn't moan when you put meat in it 

Q: What book do women like the most? 
A: Their husband's checkbook! 

Female Viagra has been around for years... it's called money! 

Always love a woman for her personality. She has ten you can choose from. 

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? 
A: They don't have time

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